EEBA Endorses Jon Hopkins, Esquire for Lake County DA

Today the Bored Governors of the Evil Esquire Bar Association (the “EEBA”) announced their formal endorsement of Jon E. Hopkins, Esquire (age 63) a/k/a Hoppie for Lake County California District Attorney.

Our endorsement action is precipitated by several events that, subsequent to citizens’ and the media’s undermining of Hoppie’s deft application of the doctrine of prosecutorial indiscretion, resulting in his losing the Bismarck Dinius case, lead us to believe he may be waffling on seeking a second term as Lake County district attorney.

Immediately following Dinius’ acquittal of manslaughter charges, frightened irritated agitated angry Lake County residents began rumbling about wasting taxpayer funds to mount a drive to recall Hoppie, who ran unopposed, in 2006. This indignant chatter was misinterpreted by Lakeport attorneys Doug Rhodes (age 56) and Don Anderson (age 57) as a call for regime change and both recently (ed: and unwisely) announced their intentions to oppose Hoppie at the poles.

Rhodes, has publicly stated that, if elected, he will not “waste” prosecutorial resources on “minor crimes,” which, according to outraged EEBA Bored member, Robert Kardashian, Esquire,

is in clear contravention to the modern progressive prosecutorial protocol of overcharging criminal defendants in order to stir media frenzy and cause them to hire expensive attorneys. Who will entertain the public? The Lake County Diamonds Band?

To add insult to injury, both Rhodes and Anderson both are promising to plea bargain cases rather than forcing them to go to trial—a longstanding policy of the Hopkins / Mitchell regime. Regarding this foolishness, EEBA Bored member Barry Levin commented:

Robert Frost correctly observed that ‘[a] jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.’ If there are fewer criminal trials in Lake County, arrested bystanders and accident victims will be confused as to who they should turn to. That’s certainly not in the public’s interest.

“Plea bargains benefit no one except the accused” observed EEBA Bored member Melvin Belli, Esquire.

Taxpayers pay good money to see their wheels of justice turn and there is no greater theater than the courtroom; particularly when the defendant’s freedom is at stake.

EEBA Bored member, Jack Fernandez, Esquire, who represented deposed Panamanian narcotics trafficker and dictator, Manuel Noriega, imprisoned after his ouster in 1990 by fanatical America warlord, Premier Bush the First, put it more pithily,

Rhodes and Anderson are out of their minds! Lawyers are reeling from the recession not to mention overpopulation due, in part, to the State Bar’s refusal to impose sanctions against offenders of the Rules of Professional conduct and risk losing them to the EEBA. Increasing plea bargains would only serve to take money out of the pockets of lawyers at a time when they need it most.

Rhodes’ and Anderson’s platforms are not only reckless, they’re treasonous. El Rey le gusta la traición, pero no el traidor! (The King likes treachery, but not the traitor)

Dire au revoir à la courtoisie professionnelle….

The EEBA’s Emanuel Heller, Esquire had this to say in support of Hoppie’s pursuit of a second term:

Through his prosecutions, Hoppie has cleared the conscious’ of many innocent defendants. After all, victims and bystanders really don’t know whether they’ve committed a crime until a jury acquits them. The right to know whether you are guilty is inherent in the Constitution. A clear conscious is priceless! In this respect, Hoppie is the humanitarians’ choice.

Responding to his colleagues comments, following the EEBA Bored’s unanimous vote, approving Hoppie’s endorsement, Johnnie Chochran, Esquire had the following to say:

My learned colleagues, your reasoning is sound, yet you overlook the fundamental quality that most distinguishes these candidates— their hair.

Hoppie has perfect hair! Compare for yourselves [Rhodes] [Anderson].  And if you’re in doubt as to the importance of perfect hair, note that Marcia Clark is no longer employed by the Los Angeles District Attorney.

In support of Hoppie’s candidacy, the EEBA has commissioned ACORN to assist with the registration of Lake County voters. Their Lake County operations center will be based in Sherriff Rodney K. Mitchell’s morgue.

Notes of encouragement and cash donations should be sent to:

Jon Edwin Hopkins, Esquire
Lake County District Attorney
255 North Forbes Street
Lakeport, CA 95453

To assist the EEBA to discourage Rhodes and Anderson from challenging Hoppie, address your scathing letters to them at the following addresses:

Donald Arthur Anderson, Esquire
Post Office Box 219
Lakeport, CA 95453
+1 (707) 263-1775

Douglas Edward Rhoades, Esquire
Post Office Box 36
200 North Main Street
Lakeport, CA 95453
+1 (707) 263-7848
+1 (707) 263-6691
Email: attorney @ lakelaw.net

To contribute to the Northern California Lawyers Fund Bismarck Dinius Defense Fund, make your checks out to to Bismarck Dinius with “Bismarck Dinius Defense Fund” in the memo section and send them to:

Sierra Central Credit Union
Attn: Brian Foxworthy, Branch Manager
306 North Sunrise Avenue
Roseville, California 95661

EEBA Endorses Jon Hopkins, Esquire for Lake County DA4.055