Gregg Eichler, Esquire | RE: REQUEST FOR NOMINATION

Evil Esquire Bar Association

The Johnnie Cochran Building, Room 666
666 Styx River Parkway, South
Hades 666

VIA: SATANNET

Herr Gregg Alastair Eichler, Esquire
Fransen & Molinaro, LLP
1445 Huntington Dr., Suite 200
South Pasadena, CA 91030

In Re: Your self-nomination for induc­tion into the EEBA.

Dear Esquire Eichler:

Thank you for your inquiry regard­ing join­ing the Evil Esquire Bar Association. Ordinarily we do not enter­tain self-nominations how­ever, given your sta­tus as an active mem­ber of the State Bar of California (the “Cal Bar”) who per­forms loan mod­i­fi­ca­tions cou­pled with your shal­low rea­son­ing abil­i­ties; our nom­i­nat­ing com­mit­tee has decided to make an exception.

Reviewing your Cal Bar pro­file, it appears you’ve never been dis­ci­plined for vio­lat­ing the California Rules of Professional con­duct, Business and Professions Code, Rules of Court, or any other law. Is that accurate?

As you are aware, from review­ing our Internet site, the Cal Bar receives tens of thou­sands of com­plaints each year from con­sumers of legal ser­vices but, actu­ally dis­ci­plines about 3.1% of lawyers for whom they receive for­mal com­plaints. Obviously the infor­ma­tion pro­vided by the Cal Bar regard­ing whether or not you’ve engaged in evil or uneth­i­cal con­duct is mean­ing­less. Therefore, please for­ward to the com­mit­tee all com­plaints, regard­ing your con­duct, made to the Cal Bar since you were admit­ted on December 28, 1977. Be cer­tain to include all of your responses to those com­plaints as well as the names of recip­i­ents, dates and amounts of cash “gifts” you’ve pro­vided to Cal Bar employ­ees, board mem­bers, State of California, Office of the Attorney General employ­ees and California politi­cians con­tem­po­ra­ne­ous with their dis­missal of those complaints.

The com­mit­tee has also requested that you sum­ma­rize all evil or uneth­i­cal activ­ity in which you’ve engaged but no com­plaint was filed because either the com­plainant was (i) deterred as a result of the Cal Bar’s abom­inable record of actu­ally dis­ci­plin­ing attor­neys they “reg­u­late” or (ii) you threat­ened or extorted them into not fil­ing a com­plaint against you.

According to our back­ground check, you pro­vide “fam­ily” legal ser­vices. The com­mit­tee has requested you pro­vide the names of each child, who, over the course of your career, has been affected by your pro­vi­sion of legal ser­vices to their par­ents. Summarize child cus­tody mat­ters wherein you aided and abet­ted your client’s alien­ation of their chil­dren from the other par­ent. Include details regard­ing how you’ve used your clients’ chil­dren to extort finan­cial set­tle­ments. Be as graphic as pos­si­ble regard­ing the suf­fer­ing these chil­dren have endured as the com­mit­tee will cer­tainly be enter­tained by this.

I note you also pro­vide crim­i­nal “defense” legal ser­vices. Please pro­vide us infor­ma­tion regard­ing all clients you’ve rep­re­sented that have suf­fered incar­cer­a­tion, fines, etc. as a con­se­quence of your neg­li­gence, fail­ure to lodge a timely appeal, mis­guided trial strat­egy, botched inves­ti­ga­tory work, etc. Please be cer­tain to pro­vide the names and con­tact infor­ma­tion of these indi­vid­u­als so our inves­ti­ga­tors can inter­view them.

Please for­ward to me a recent mug shot or fam­ily photo if you have one. Any “perp walk” or crime scene videos in which you are fea­tured, an accom­plice or attor­ney for the accused would also be help­ful to the com­mit­tee. Videos of bes­tial sex­ual con­duct are not nec­es­sary. The com­mit­tee assumes any lawyer with balls big enough to nom­i­nate him­self for induc­tion into our noto­ri­ous orga­ni­za­tion reg­u­larly engages in such behavior.

You’ll need to be inter­viewed by three evil and uneth­i­cal Esquire(tte)s who’ve suc­cess­fully infil­trated the State Bar of California and evaded dis­ci­pline for their con­duct. In this regard, I’ve selected the crème de le crème of EEBA agents prac­tic­ing law in California:

Jon Edward Hopkins, Esquire a/k/a Hoppie [EEBA# 101627]. Hoppie’s claim to fame is his pros­e­cu­tion of Bismarck Dinius for the death of Lynn Thorton. Dinius was the tiller man on a sail­boat that was run over by a power­boat dri­ven by Lake County Chief Deputy Sherriff, Russell Perdock. Thornton died of injuries sus­tained in the acci­dent. Perdock was never charged. Instead, Hoppie charged Dinius with manslaugh­ter. Dinius was of course exon­er­ated by a jury of his peers. However, as a con­se­quence of Hoppie’s mis­guided pros­e­cu­tion, Dinius was forced to incur $200,000 to $300,000 of legal costs which, given you advo­cate for “crim­i­nal” defen­dants, I’m cer­tain you can appre­ci­ate. Given Hoppie’s prowess in spread­ing a California “citizen’s” wealth among the California lawyer com­mu­nity, the CalBARFOONS wouldn’t dare enter­tain com­plaints against him. You can read more about the Dinius case here: Fear and Loathing in Lake County.

California Attorney General Edmund “Jerry” Brown, your state’s chief law enforce­ment offi­cer (THE NEXT GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA), was asked by many Lake County cit­i­zens to inter­cede to halt Hoppie’s attempt to rail­road Dinius into incar­cer­a­tion but he refused. Obviously Jerry and Hoppie are of sim­i­lar mind when it comes to extract­ing money from the cit­i­zens of California to sup­port the legal community.

You’ll enjoy get­ting to know Hoppie if you don’t already. Contact him directly to set up your inter­view appoint­ment. His address is: DA Lake County, 255 N Forbes St, Lakeport, CA 95453. Email: jonh@co.lake.ca.us. Telephone: + 1 (707) 263‑2541.

Miles Frederick Erhlich, Esquire a/k/a Roly-Poly Superman [EEBA# 101574]. Miles attended Harvard University and Stanford Law School. After law school he joined the Department of Justice, ris­ing through the ranks, even­tu­ally becom­ing the Head of the White Collar Crime Division in the San Francisco Office.

Turns out, Miles is a renais­sance man. Sometime dur­ing his tenure with the DOJ, per­haps as late as 2003, he lost inter­est in obtain­ing jus­tice for crime vic­tims and rein­vented him­self as an “unprin­ci­pled cap­i­tal­ist” cloaked as a vir­tu­ous crim­i­nal defense lawyer.

In May of 2005, a crime vic­tim pro­vided Miles the iden­ti­ties of sev­eral indi­vid­u­als and a large law firm involved var­i­ously in nar­cotics traf­fick­ing, con­spir­acy to laun­der money, iden­tity theft, theft of elec­tronic infor­ma­tion, fraud and bribery of judi­cial offi­cials. Miles seized this oppor­tu­nity to move to the “dark-side.” What evil lawyer wouldn’t? After all, there was nar­cotics traf­fick­ing, money laun­der­ing and a large law firm involved— three cash cows and an end­less source of refer­rals. So he quit the DOJ and par­layed the victim’s infor­ma­tion and any hope of obtain­ing jus­tice and the recov­ery of prop­erty stolen by Mile’s clients, into estab­lish­ing, an instantly suc­cess­ful, pri­vate crim­i­nal defense practice.

The vic­tim of course com­plained to the State Bar of California regard­ing Ehrlich’s side switch­ing and mis­use of con­fi­den­tial infor­ma­tion belong­ing to him and the United States Government. Rather than inves­ti­gate the victim’s alle­ga­tions, the Cal Bar sum­mar­ily decided Ehrlich’s behav­ior was appro­pri­ate. Of course this deci­sion by the CalBARFOONS opens the flood gates for all Federal and California pros­e­cu­tors in the state to take crime vic­tims and wit­nesses reports and par­lay that infor­ma­tion into estab­lish­ing their own crim­i­nal defense law practices.

Jerry Brown was copied on the victim’s com­plaint to the Cal Bar. His response was that the vic­tim needed to inform law enforce­ment regard­ing Erhlich’s side switch­ing. Obviously Jerry was just giv­ing the vic­tim the run around as he hap­pens to be California’s Chief Law Enforcement Officer. Turns out, Jerry is very friendly with some of the lawyers at the big law firm (Heller Ehrman). As a politi­cian he needs to main­tain good rela­tions with those folks to keep his cam­paign cof­fers full. It would really put a crimp in his image if he were to help a vic­tim of crimes aided and abet­ted by his attor­ney friends.

SENATOR Barbara Boxer was also copied on the victim’s com­plaint. Though she allegedly cor­re­sponded with him, she must have reviewed her cam­paign donor list and found that sev­eral lawyers with the big law firm and another law firm, Folger Levin Kahn, who were engaged to rep­re­sent an undis­closed party to the lawyer’s and their client’s shenani­gans, had given her a lot of money, so appar­ently she decided not to assist the vic­tim either. After all, that would be like cut­ting your nose off to spite your face. And it could affect her husband’s (Oakland attor­ney Stewart N. Boxer of Boxer Gerson), rela­tion­ship with his Esquire bud­dies as well.

To sched­ule an inter­view with Esquire Ehrlich con­tact him as fol­lows: Ramsey & Ehrlich LLP (the Ramsey in Ramsey & Ehrlich is the son of retired Alameda County Superior Court Judge Henry Ramsey). Ehrlich’s address is: 803 Hearst Ave Berkeley, CA 94710. Email: miles@ramsey-ehrlich.com. Telephone: +1 (510) 548‑3600. Perhaps Stewart Boxer will join him dur­ing your interview.

Please keep the fore­go­ing a secret, if California cit­i­zens find out what really goes on behind the scenes they will stop report­ing crime and the oppor­tu­ni­ties for pros­e­cu­tors to take advan­tage of this “loop­hole” to par­lay victim’s infor­ma­tion into lucra­tive pri­vate law prac­tices will dry up.

Marica Ann Bruggeman Hatch, Esquirette a/k/a Marcia-Marsha [EEBA# 100666]. Marcia is cur­rently a part­ner with Gunderson Dettmer Stough Villeneuve Franklin & Hachigian LLP, allegedly. Previously, she was a “share­holder” with Heller Erhman, LLP. Marcia-Marsha grew up in Adrian Michigan. She attended the University of California at Berkeley where she majored in History, played on the bas­ket­ball team and befriended a nar­cotics traf­ficker. After under­grad­u­ate school, Marcia attended the University of Michigan Law School.

Marcia joined Heller Ehrman as an asso­ciate upon Heller’s merger with the ven­ture law group. Shortly there­after, she was minted a Heller Ehrman share­holder. And no won­der, a nar­cotics traf­ficker is just the kind of “client” a law firm like Heller Ehrman needs. Narcotics traf­fick­ing is a cash busi­ness after all. Employing the resources, con­tacts and col­lec­tive knowl­edge of a ven­er­a­ble firm like Heller Ehrman, cash can be laun­dered in a myr­iad of ways. Foreign com­pa­nies, inter­na­tional char­i­ties the sky is the limit. Add to this the fact that the law firm can call upon its polit­i­cal con­tacts to thwart any inves­ti­ga­tion by the Federal Government and the State of California and you have a gold mine.

“Coincidentally,” Marcia is rep­re­sented by Miles Frederick Ehrlich of Ramsey & Ehrlich (Advisors to Justice Evaders), LLP so maybe you can kill two birds with one stone and have them inter­view you at the same time. If not, per­haps you can catch-up with her at the Ritz. According to her bisex­ual hus­band, Seamus Hatch, who’s mer­chant bank­ing firm, Barra Partners was one of her clients, (she helped him steal all of Barra’s assets), Marcia-Marsha allowed him to “bug­ger” her in the “exec­u­tive con­fer­ence facil­i­ties” at the Ritz. Seamus is British, of Irish her­itage, so for clar­i­fi­ca­tion, to him “bug­ger­ing” means anal sex. If you are lucky you can catch-up with her there, maybe she’ll let you have a go. Take a cam­era!

You can con­tact Marcia-Marsha as fol­lows: Gunderson Dettmer LLP, 1200 Seaport Blvd, Redwood City, CA 94063. Telephone: +1 (650) 321‑2400. Email: mhatch@gunder.com

Hoppie, Miles and Marcia will of course sub­mit their inter­view impres­sions directly to the com­mit­tee on your behalf so you don’t have to worry about that.

Regarding your ques­tion con­cern­ing our omis­sion of physi­cians and plumbers from the EEBA, you should recall from your legal his­tory read­ings, that the Trattato di Ordine (Treaty of Order) between God and Satan, exe­cuted April 1, 1850 B.C., con­veys to Satan “right title and inter­est” to the souls of all indi­vid­u­als “who engage in ille­gal, immoral or uneth­i­cal prac­tices while advo­cat­ing for, against, or stand­ing in judg­ment of oth­ers.” Satan and God have peri­od­i­cally rein­ter­preted the treaty to keep up with the evo­lu­tion of var­i­ous legal sys­tems. As it is cur­rently stands, Satan’s bureau­crats, admin­is­ter the souls of all “advo­cates” (lawyers, solic­i­tors, bar­ris­ters, etc.) and “deciders” (judges and arbi­tra­tors). The souls of pros­ti­tutes, physi­cians, archi­tects, engi­neers, plumbers and the like are admin­is­tered by God’s bureaucrats.

Upon their death, Satan and God nego­ti­ate the dis­po­si­tion of the souls, of those indi­vid­u­als they admin­is­ter, who do not meet the treaty’s cri­te­ria for their eter­nal admin­is­tra­tion. For exam­ple, the soul of an attor­ney who has never engaged in ille­gal, immoral or uneth­i­cal con­duct, while advo­cat­ing on behalf of, or against oth­ers, is the­o­ret­i­cally, upon his or her death, trans­ferred to God’s admin­is­tra­tion. Practically speak­ing, the souls of advo­cates and deciders wind up as stakes in God’s and Satan’s Friday golf matches. They swap out keep­ing the score­card every cen­tury. Satan took over in 2000. If you want to gripe fur­ther about this, please con­tact God directly. I believe his direct email is God@God.net.

In re: your ques­tion: “What is it you want, besides a free lunch?” What gives you the impres­sion we are com­pen­sated for work­ing at the EEBA? God may have a pay­roll but Satan is a cheap bas­tard. Do you think that if our mem­bers paid dues he’d share any of it? Obviously your pro­fes­sors omit­ted from your instruc­tion that you should always know the answer to a ques­tion before you ask it.

I see you attended McGeorge School of Law at the University of the Pacific. That’s interesting.

The com­mit­tee looks for­ward to receiv­ing the infor­ma­tion requested herein. Please con­tact me if you require clar­i­fi­ca­tion regard­ing any of the fore­go­ing. I’m here to make the process as ardu­ous and unpleas­ant as pos­si­ble— and am very good at my job.

Very truly yours,

Evil Est Esquirette
xoxo@evilesq.com

cc:    Agent 41, Director of Investigations

Dr. Jospeh Mengele, Interrogations Czar

From: Gregg Eichler [geichler@fransenandmolinaro.com]
Sent: Friday, September 25, 2009 16:16
To: donoevil@evilesq.com
Subject: What is Your Real Agenda? Did You Take Your Medicine Today?
I have a great idea: Let’s do with­out lawyers, doc­tors, plumbers and any­one else mak­ing a liv­ing at your “expense”. What is it you want, besides a free lunch?
Gregg

Gregg Eichler, Esquire | RE: REQUEST FOR NOMINATION, 5.0 out of 5 based on 5 rat­ings