Gregg Eichler, Esquire | RE: REQUEST FOR NOMINATION

Evil Esquire Bar Association

The Johnnie Cochran Building, Room 666
666 Styx River Parkway, South
Hades 666

VIA: SATANNET

Herr Gregg Alastair Eichler, Esquire
Fransen & Molinaro, LLP
1445 Huntington Dr., Suite 200
South Pasadena, CA 91030

In Re: Your self-nomination for induction into the EEBA.

Dear Esquire Eichler:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding joining the Evil Esquire Bar Association. Ordinarily we do not entertain self-nominations however, given your status as an active member of the State Bar of California (the “Cal Bar”) who performs loan modifications coupled with your shallow reasoning abilities; our nominating committee has decided to make an exception.

Reviewing your Cal Bar profile, it appears you’ve never been disciplined for violating the California Rules of Professional conduct, Business and Professions Code, Rules of Court, or any other law. Is that accurate?

As you are aware, from reviewing our Internet site, the Cal Bar receives tens of thousands of complaints each year from consumers of legal services but, actually disciplines about 3.1% of lawyers for whom they receive formal complaints. Obviously the information provided by the Cal Bar regarding whether or not you’ve engaged in evil or unethical conduct is meaningless. Therefore, please forward to the committee all complaints, regarding your conduct, made to the Cal Bar since you were admitted on December 28, 1977. Be certain to include all of your responses to those complaints as well as the names of recipients, dates and amounts of cash “gifts” you’ve provided to Cal Bar employees, board members, State of California, Office of the Attorney General employees and California politicians contemporaneous with their dismissal of those complaints.

The committee has also requested that you summarize all evil or unethical activity in which you’ve engaged but no complaint was filed because either the complainant was (i) deterred as a result of the Cal Bar’s abominable record of actually disciplining attorneys they “regulate” or (ii) you threatened or extorted them into not filing a complaint against you.

According to our background check, you provide “family” legal services. The committee has requested you provide the names of each child, who, over the course of your career, has been affected by your provision of legal services to their parents. Summarize child custody matters wherein you aided and abetted your client’s alienation of their children from the other parent. Include details regarding how you’ve used your clients’ children to extort financial settlements. Be as graphic as possible regarding the suffering these children have endured as the committee will certainly be entertained by this.

I note you also provide criminal “defense” legal services. Please provide us information regarding all clients you’ve represented that have suffered incarceration, fines, etc. as a consequence of your negligence, failure to lodge a timely appeal, misguided trial strategy, botched investigatory work, etc. Please be certain to provide the names and contact information of these individuals so our investigators can interview them.

Please forward to me a recent mug shot or family photo if you have one. Any “perp walk” or crime scene videos in which you are featured, an accomplice or attorney for the accused would also be helpful to the committee. Videos of bestial sexual conduct are not necessary. The committee assumes any lawyer with balls big enough to nominate himself for induction into our notorious organization regularly engages in such behavior.

You’ll need to be interviewed by three evil and unethical Esquire(tte)s who’ve successfully infiltrated the State Bar of California and evaded discipline for their conduct. In this regard, I’ve selected the crème de le crème of EEBA agents practicing law in California:

Jon Edward Hopkins, Esquire a/k/a Hoppie [EEBA# 101627]. Hoppie’s claim to fame is his prosecution of Bismarck Dinius for the death of Lynn Thorton. Dinius was the tiller man on a sailboat that was run over by a powerboat driven by Lake County Chief Deputy Sherriff, Russell Perdock. Thornton died of injuries sustained in the accident. Perdock was never charged. Instead, Hoppie charged Dinius with manslaughter. Dinius was of course exonerated by a jury of his peers. However, as a consequence of Hoppie’s misguided prosecution, Dinius was forced to incur $200,000 to $300,000 of legal costs which, given you advocate for “criminal” defendants, I’m certain you can appreciate. Given Hoppie’s prowess in spreading a California “citizen’s” wealth among the California lawyer community, the CalBARFOONS wouldn’t dare entertain complaints against him. You can read more about the Dinius case here: Fear and Loathing in Lake County.

California Attorney General Edmund “Jerry” Brown, your state’s chief law enforcement officer (THE NEXT GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA), was asked by many Lake County citizens to intercede to halt Hoppie’s attempt to railroad Dinius into incarceration but he refused. Obviously Jerry and Hoppie are of similar mind when it comes to extracting money from the citizens of California to support the legal community.

You’ll enjoy getting to know Hoppie if you don’t already. Contact him directly to set up your interview appointment. His address is: DA Lake County, 255 N Forbes St, Lakeport, CA 95453. Email: jonh@co.lake.ca.us. Telephone: + 1 (707) 263-2541.

Miles Frederick Erhlich, Esquire a/k/a Roly-Poly Superman [EEBA# 101574]. Miles attended Harvard University and Stanford Law School. After law school he joined the Department of Justice, rising through the ranks, eventually becoming the Head of the White Collar Crime Division in the San Francisco Office.

Turns out, Miles is a renaissance man. Sometime during his tenure with the DOJ, perhaps as late as 2003, he lost interest in obtaining justice for crime victims and reinvented himself as an “unprincipled capitalist” cloaked as a virtuous criminal defense lawyer.

In May of 2005, a crime victim provided Miles the identities of several individuals and a large law firm involved variously in narcotics trafficking, conspiracy to launder money, identity theft, theft of electronic information, fraud and bribery of judicial officials. Miles seized this opportunity to move to the “dark-side.” What evil lawyer wouldn’t? After all, there was narcotics trafficking, money laundering and a large law firm involved— three cash cows and an endless source of referrals. So he quit the DOJ and parlayed the victim’s information and any hope of obtaining justice and the recovery of property stolen by Mile’s clients, into establishing, an instantly successful, private criminal defense practice.

The victim of course complained to the State Bar of California regarding Ehrlich’s side switching and misuse of confidential information belonging to him and the United States Government. Rather than investigate the victim’s allegations, the Cal Bar summarily decided Ehrlich’s behavior was appropriate. Of course this decision by the CalBARFOONS opens the flood gates for all Federal and California prosecutors in the state to take crime victims and witnesses reports and parlay that information into establishing their own criminal defense law practices.

Jerry Brown was copied on the victim’s complaint to the Cal Bar. His response was that the victim needed to inform law enforcement regarding Erhlich’s side switching. Obviously Jerry was just giving the victim the run around as he happens to be California’s Chief Law Enforcement Officer. Turns out, Jerry is very friendly with some of the lawyers at the big law firm (Heller Ehrman). As a politician he needs to maintain good relations with those folks to keep his campaign coffers full. It would really put a crimp in his image if he were to help a victim of crimes aided and abetted by his attorney friends.

SENATOR Barbara Boxer was also copied on the victim’s complaint. Though she allegedly corresponded with him, she must have reviewed her campaign donor list and found that several lawyers with the big law firm and another law firm, Folger Levin Kahn, who were engaged to represent an undisclosed party to the lawyer’s and their client’s shenanigans, had given her a lot of money, so apparently she decided not to assist the victim either. After all, that would be like cutting your nose off to spite your face. And it could affect her husband’s (Oakland attorney Stewart N. Boxer of Boxer Gerson), relationship with his Esquire buddies as well.

To schedule an interview with Esquire Ehrlich contact him as follows: Ramsey & Ehrlich LLP (the Ramsey in Ramsey & Ehrlich is the son of retired Alameda County Superior Court Judge Henry Ramsey). Ehrlich’s address is: 803 Hearst Ave Berkeley, CA 94710. Email: miles@ramsey-ehrlich.com. Telephone: +1 (510) 548-3600. Perhaps Stewart Boxer will join him during your interview.

Please keep the foregoing a secret, if California citizens find out what really goes on behind the scenes they will stop reporting crime and the opportunities for prosecutors to take advantage of this “loophole” to parlay victim’s information into lucrative private law practices will dry up.

Marica Ann Bruggeman Hatch, Esquirette a/k/a Marcia-Marsha [EEBA# 100666]. Marcia is currently a partner with Gunderson Dettmer Stough Villeneuve Franklin & Hachigian LLP, allegedly. Previously, she was a “shareholder” with Heller Erhman, LLP. Marcia-Marsha grew up in Adrian Michigan. She attended the University of California at Berkeley where she majored in History, played on the basketball team and befriended a narcotics trafficker. After undergraduate school, Marcia attended the University of Michigan Law School.

Marcia joined Heller Ehrman as an associate upon Heller’s merger with the venture law group. Shortly thereafter, she was minted a Heller Ehrman shareholder. And no wonder, a narcotics trafficker is just the kind of “client” a law firm like Heller Ehrman needs. Narcotics trafficking is a cash business after all. Employing the resources, contacts and collective knowledge of a venerable firm like Heller Ehrman, cash can be laundered in a myriad of ways. Foreign companies, international charities the sky is the limit. Add to this the fact that the law firm can call upon its political contacts to thwart any investigation by the Federal Government and the State of California and you have a gold mine.

“Coincidentally,” Marcia is represented by Miles Frederick Ehrlich of Ramsey & Ehrlich (Advisors to Justice Evaders), LLP so maybe you can kill two birds with one stone and have them interview you at the same time. If not, perhaps you can catch-up with her at the Ritz. According to her bisexual husband, Seamus Hatch, who’s merchant banking firm, Barra Partners was one of her clients, (she helped him steal all of Barra’s assets), Marcia-Marsha allowed him to “bugger” her in the “executive conference facilities” at the Ritz. Seamus is British, of Irish heritage, so for clarification, to him “buggering” means anal sex. If you are lucky you can catch-up with her there, maybe she’ll let you have a go. Take a camera!

You can contact Marcia-Marsha as follows: Gunderson Dettmer LLP, 1200 Seaport Blvd, Redwood City, CA 94063. Telephone: +1 (650) 321-2400. Email: mhatch@gunder.com

Hoppie, Miles and Marcia will of course submit their interview impressions directly to the committee on your behalf so you don’t have to worry about that.

Regarding your question concerning our omission of physicians and plumbers from the EEBA, you should recall from your legal history readings, that the Trattato di Ordine (Treaty of Order) between God and Satan, executed April 1, 1850 B.C., conveys to Satan “right title and interest” to the souls of all individuals “who engage in illegal, immoral or unethical practices while advocating for, against, or standing in judgment of others.” Satan and God have periodically reinterpreted the treaty to keep up with the evolution of various legal systems. As it is currently stands, Satan’s bureaucrats, administer the souls of all “advocates” (lawyers, solicitors, barristers, etc.) and “deciders” (judges and arbitrators). The souls of prostitutes, physicians, architects, engineers, plumbers and the like are administered by God’s bureaucrats.

Upon their death, Satan and God negotiate the disposition of the souls, of those individuals they administer, who do not meet the treaty’s criteria for their eternal administration. For example, the soul of an attorney who has never engaged in illegal, immoral or unethical conduct, while advocating on behalf of, or against others, is theoretically, upon his or her death, transferred to God’s administration. Practically speaking, the souls of advocates and deciders wind up as stakes in God’s and Satan’s Friday golf matches. They swap out keeping the scorecard every century. Satan took over in 2000. If you want to gripe further about this, please contact God directly. I believe his direct email is God@God.net.

In re: your question: “What is it you want, besides a free lunch?” What gives you the impression we are compensated for working at the EEBA? God may have a payroll but Satan is a cheap bastard. Do you think that if our members paid dues he’d share any of it? Obviously your professors omitted from your instruction that you should always know the answer to a question before you ask it.

I see you attended McGeorge School of Law at the University of the Pacific. That’s interesting.

The committee looks forward to receiving the information requested herein. Please contact me if you require clarification regarding any of the foregoing. I’m here to make the process as arduous and unpleasant as possible— and am very good at my job.

Very truly yours,

Evil Est Esquirette
xoxo@evilesq.com

cc:    Agent 41, Director of Investigations

Dr. Jospeh Mengele, Interrogations Czar

From: Gregg Eichler [geichler@fransenandmolinaro.com]
Sent: Friday, September 25, 2009 16:16
To: donoevil@evilesq.com
Subject: What is Your Real Agenda? Did You Take Your Medicine Today?
I have a great idea: Let’s do without lawyers, doctors, plumbers and anyone else making a living at your “expense”. What is it you want, besides a free lunch?
Gregg

Gregg Eichler, Esquire | RE: REQUEST FOR NOMINATION5.054