Gregg Eichler, Esquire | RE: REQUEST FOR NOMINATION

Evil Esquire Bar Association

The John­nie Cochran Build­ing, Room 666
666 Styx River Park­way, South
Hades 666

VIA: SATANNET

Herr Gregg Alas­tair Eich­ler, Esquire
Fransen & Moli­naro, LLP
1445 Hunt­ing­ton Dr., Suite 200
South Pasadena, CA 91030

In Re: Your self-nomination for induc­tion into the EEBA.

Dear Esquire Eichler:

Thank you for your inquiry regard­ing join­ing the Evil Esquire Bar Asso­ci­a­tion. Ordi­nar­ily we do not enter­tain self-nominations how­ever, given your sta­tus as an active mem­ber of the State Bar of Cal­i­for­nia (the “Cal Bar”) who per­forms loan mod­i­fi­ca­tions cou­pled with your shal­low rea­son­ing abil­i­ties; our nom­i­nat­ing com­mit­tee has decided to make an exception.

Review­ing your Cal Bar pro­file, it appears you’ve never been dis­ci­plined for vio­lat­ing the Cal­i­for­nia Rules of Pro­fes­sional con­duct, Busi­ness and Pro­fes­sions Code, Rules of Court, or any other law. Is that accurate?

As you are aware, from review­ing our Inter­net site, the Cal Bar receives tens of thou­sands of com­plaints each year from con­sumers of legal ser­vices but, actu­ally dis­ci­plines about 3.1% of lawyers for whom they receive for­mal com­plaints. Obvi­ously the infor­ma­tion pro­vided by the Cal Bar regard­ing whether or not you’ve engaged in evil or uneth­i­cal con­duct is mean­ing­less. There­fore, please for­ward to the com­mit­tee all com­plaints, regard­ing your con­duct, made to the Cal Bar since you were admit­ted on Decem­ber 28, 1977. Be cer­tain to include all of your responses to those com­plaints as well as the names of recip­i­ents, dates and amounts of cash “gifts” you’ve pro­vided to Cal Bar employ­ees, board mem­bers, State of Cal­i­for­nia, Office of the Attor­ney Gen­eral employ­ees and Cal­i­for­nia politi­cians con­tem­po­ra­ne­ous with their dis­missal of those complaints.

The com­mit­tee has also requested that you sum­ma­rize all evil or uneth­i­cal activ­ity in which you’ve engaged but no com­plaint was filed because either the com­plainant was (i) deterred as a result of the Cal Bar’s abom­inable record of actu­ally dis­ci­plin­ing attor­neys they “reg­u­late” or (ii) you threat­ened or extorted them into not fil­ing a com­plaint against you.

Accord­ing to our back­ground check, you pro­vide “fam­ily” legal ser­vices. The com­mit­tee has requested you pro­vide the names of each child, who, over the course of your career, has been affected by your pro­vi­sion of legal ser­vices to their par­ents. Sum­ma­rize child cus­tody mat­ters wherein you aided and abet­ted your client’s alien­ation of their chil­dren from the other par­ent. Include details regard­ing how you’ve used your clients’ chil­dren to extort finan­cial set­tle­ments. Be as graphic as pos­si­ble regard­ing the suf­fer­ing these chil­dren have endured as the com­mit­tee will cer­tainly be enter­tained by this.

I note you also pro­vide crim­i­nal “defense” legal ser­vices. Please pro­vide us infor­ma­tion regard­ing all clients you’ve rep­re­sented that have suf­fered incar­cer­a­tion, fines, etc. as a con­se­quence of your neg­li­gence, fail­ure to lodge a timely appeal, mis­guided trial strat­egy, botched inves­ti­ga­tory work, etc. Please be cer­tain to pro­vide the names and con­tact infor­ma­tion of these indi­vid­u­als so our inves­ti­ga­tors can inter­view them.

Please for­ward to me a recent mug shot or fam­ily photo if you have one. Any “perp walk” or crime scene videos in which you are fea­tured, an accom­plice or attor­ney for the accused would also be help­ful to the com­mit­tee. Videos of bes­tial sex­ual con­duct are not nec­es­sary. The com­mit­tee assumes any lawyer with balls big enough to nom­i­nate him­self for induc­tion into our noto­ri­ous orga­ni­za­tion reg­u­larly engages in such behavior.

You’ll need to be inter­viewed by three evil and uneth­i­cal Esquire(tte)s who’ve suc­cess­fully infil­trated the State Bar of Cal­i­for­nia and evaded dis­ci­pline for their con­duct. In this regard, I’ve selected the crème de le crème of EEBA agents prac­tic­ing law in California:

Jon Edward Hop­kins, Esquire a/k/a Hop­pie [EEBA# 101627]. Hoppie’s claim to fame is his pros­e­cu­tion of Bis­marck Dinius for the death of Lynn Thor­ton. Dinius was the tiller man on a sail­boat that was run over by a power­boat dri­ven by Lake County Chief Deputy Sher­riff, Rus­sell Per­dock. Thorn­ton died of injuries sus­tained in the acci­dent. Per­dock was never charged. Instead, Hop­pie charged Dinius with manslaugh­ter. Dinius was of course exon­er­ated by a jury of his peers. How­ever, as a con­se­quence of Hoppie’s mis­guided pros­e­cu­tion, Dinius was forced to incur $200,000 to $300,000 of legal costs which, given you advo­cate for “crim­i­nal” defen­dants, I’m cer­tain you can appre­ci­ate. Given Hoppie’s prowess in spread­ing a Cal­i­for­nia “citizen’s” wealth among the Cal­i­for­nia lawyer com­mu­nity, the Cal­BAR­FOONS wouldn’t dare enter­tain com­plaints against him. You can read more about the Dinius case here: Fear and Loathing in Lake County.

Cal­i­for­nia Attor­ney Gen­eral Edmund “Jerry” Brown, your state’s chief law enforce­ment offi­cer (THE NEXT GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA), was asked by many Lake County cit­i­zens to inter­cede to halt Hoppie’s attempt to rail­road Dinius into incar­cer­a­tion but he refused. Obvi­ously Jerry and Hop­pie are of sim­i­lar mind when it comes to extract­ing money from the cit­i­zens of Cal­i­for­nia to sup­port the legal community.

You’ll enjoy get­ting to know Hop­pie if you don’t already. Con­tact him directly to set up your inter­view appoint­ment. His address is: DA Lake County, 255 N Forbes St, Lake­port, CA 95453. Email: jonh@co.lake.ca.us. Tele­phone: + 1 (707) 263‑2541.

Miles Fred­er­ick Erhlich, Esquire a/k/a Roly-Poly Super­man [EEBA# 101574]. Miles attended Har­vard Uni­ver­sity and Stan­ford Law School. After law school he joined the Depart­ment of Jus­tice, ris­ing through the ranks, even­tu­ally becom­ing the Head of the White Col­lar Crime Divi­sion in the San Fran­cisco Office.

Turns out, Miles is a renais­sance man. Some­time dur­ing his tenure with the DOJ, per­haps as late as 2003, he lost inter­est in obtain­ing jus­tice for crime vic­tims and rein­vented him­self as an “unprin­ci­pled cap­i­tal­ist” cloaked as a vir­tu­ous crim­i­nal defense lawyer.

In May of 2005, a crime vic­tim pro­vided Miles the iden­ti­ties of sev­eral indi­vid­u­als and a large law firm involved var­i­ously in nar­cotics traf­fick­ing, con­spir­acy to laun­der money, iden­tity theft, theft of elec­tronic infor­ma­tion, fraud and bribery of judi­cial offi­cials. Miles seized this oppor­tu­nity to move to the “dark-side.” What evil lawyer wouldn’t? After all, there was nar­cotics traf­fick­ing, money laun­der­ing and a large law firm involved— three cash cows and an end­less source of refer­rals. So he quit the DOJ and par­layed the victim’s infor­ma­tion and any hope of obtain­ing jus­tice and the recov­ery of prop­erty stolen by Mile’s clients, into estab­lish­ing, an instantly suc­cess­ful, pri­vate crim­i­nal defense practice.

The vic­tim of course com­plained to the State Bar of Cal­i­for­nia regard­ing Ehrlich’s side switch­ing and mis­use of con­fi­den­tial infor­ma­tion belong­ing to him and the United States Gov­ern­ment. Rather than inves­ti­gate the victim’s alle­ga­tions, the Cal Bar sum­mar­ily decided Ehrlich’s behav­ior was appro­pri­ate. Of course this deci­sion by the Cal­BAR­FOONS opens the flood gates for all Fed­eral and Cal­i­for­nia pros­e­cu­tors in the state to take crime vic­tims and wit­nesses reports and par­lay that infor­ma­tion into estab­lish­ing their own crim­i­nal defense law practices.

Jerry Brown was copied on the victim’s com­plaint to the Cal Bar. His response was that the vic­tim needed to inform law enforce­ment regard­ing Erhlich’s side switch­ing. Obvi­ously Jerry was just giv­ing the vic­tim the run around as he hap­pens to be California’s Chief Law Enforce­ment Offi­cer. Turns out, Jerry is very friendly with some of the lawyers at the big law firm (Heller Ehrman). As a politi­cian he needs to main­tain good rela­tions with those folks to keep his cam­paign cof­fers full. It would really put a crimp in his image if he were to help a vic­tim of crimes aided and abet­ted by his attor­ney friends.

SENATOR Bar­bara Boxer was also copied on the victim’s com­plaint. Though she allegedly cor­re­sponded with him, she must have reviewed her cam­paign donor list and found that sev­eral lawyers with the big law firm and another law firm, Fol­ger Levin Kahn, who were engaged to rep­re­sent an undis­closed party to the lawyer’s and their client’s shenani­gans, had given her a lot of money, so appar­ently she decided not to assist the vic­tim either. After all, that would be like cut­ting your nose off to spite your face. And it could affect her husband’s (Oak­land attor­ney Stew­art N. Boxer of Boxer Ger­son), rela­tion­ship with his Esquire bud­dies as well.

To sched­ule an inter­view with Esquire Ehrlich con­tact him as fol­lows: Ram­sey & Ehrlich LLP (the Ram­sey in Ram­sey & Ehrlich is the son of retired Alameda County Supe­rior Court Judge Henry Ram­sey). Ehrlich’s address is: 803 Hearst Ave Berke­ley, CA 94710. Email: miles@ramsey-ehrlich.com. Tele­phone: +1 (510) 548‑3600. Per­haps Stew­art Boxer will join him dur­ing your interview.

Please keep the fore­go­ing a secret, if Cal­i­for­nia cit­i­zens find out what really goes on behind the scenes they will stop report­ing crime and the oppor­tu­ni­ties for pros­e­cu­tors to take advan­tage of this “loop­hole” to par­lay victim’s infor­ma­tion into lucra­tive pri­vate law prac­tices will dry up.

Mar­ica Ann Brugge­man Hatch, Esquirette a/k/a Marcia-Marsha [EEBA# 100666]. Mar­cia is cur­rently a part­ner with Gun­der­son Dettmer Stough Vil­leneuve Franklin & Hachi­gian LLP, allegedly. Pre­vi­ously, she was a “share­holder” with Heller Erhman, LLP. Marcia-Marsha grew up in Adrian Michi­gan. She attended the Uni­ver­sity of Cal­i­for­nia at Berke­ley where she majored in His­tory, played on the bas­ket­ball team and befriended a nar­cotics traf­ficker. After under­grad­u­ate school, Mar­cia attended the Uni­ver­sity of Michi­gan Law School.

Mar­cia joined Heller Ehrman as an asso­ciate upon Heller’s merger with the ven­ture law group. Shortly there­after, she was minted a Heller Ehrman share­holder. And no won­der, a nar­cotics traf­ficker is just the kind of “client” a law firm like Heller Ehrman needs. Nar­cotics traf­fick­ing is a cash busi­ness after all. Employ­ing the resources, con­tacts and col­lec­tive knowl­edge of a ven­er­a­ble firm like Heller Ehrman, cash can be laun­dered in a myr­iad of ways. For­eign com­pa­nies, inter­na­tional char­i­ties the sky is the limit. Add to this the fact that the law firm can call upon its polit­i­cal con­tacts to thwart any inves­ti­ga­tion by the Fed­eral Gov­ern­ment and the State of Cal­i­for­nia and you have a gold mine.

“Coin­ci­den­tally,” Mar­cia is rep­re­sented by Miles Fred­er­ick Ehrlich of Ram­sey & Ehrlich (Advi­sors to Jus­tice Evaders), LLP so maybe you can kill two birds with one stone and have them inter­view you at the same time. If not, per­haps you can catch-up with her at the Ritz. Accord­ing to her bisex­ual hus­band, Sea­mus Hatch, who’s mer­chant bank­ing firm, Barra Part­ners was one of her clients, (she helped him steal all of Barra’s assets), Marcia-Marsha allowed him to “bug­ger” her in the “exec­u­tive con­fer­ence facil­i­ties” at the Ritz. Sea­mus is British, of Irish her­itage, so for clar­i­fi­ca­tion, to him “bug­ger­ing” means anal sex. If you are lucky you can catch-up with her there, maybe she’ll let you have a go. Take a cam­era!

You can con­tact Marcia-Marsha as fol­lows: Gun­der­son Dettmer LLP, 1200 Sea­port Blvd, Red­wood City, CA 94063. Tele­phone: +1 (650) 321‑2400. Email: mhatch@gunder.com

Hop­pie, Miles and Mar­cia will of course sub­mit their inter­view impres­sions directly to the com­mit­tee on your behalf so you don’t have to worry about that.

Regard­ing your ques­tion con­cern­ing our omis­sion of physi­cians and plumbers from the EEBA, you should recall from your legal his­tory read­ings, that the Trat­tato di Ordine (Treaty of Order) between God and Satan, exe­cuted April 1, 1850 B.C., con­veys to Satan “right title and inter­est” to the souls of all indi­vid­u­als “who engage in ille­gal, immoral or uneth­i­cal prac­tices while advo­cat­ing for, against, or stand­ing in judg­ment of oth­ers.” Satan and God have peri­od­i­cally rein­ter­preted the treaty to keep up with the evo­lu­tion of var­i­ous legal sys­tems. As it is cur­rently stands, Satan’s bureau­crats, admin­is­ter the souls of all “advo­cates” (lawyers, solic­i­tors, bar­ris­ters, etc.) and “deciders” (judges and arbi­tra­tors). The souls of pros­ti­tutes, physi­cians, archi­tects, engi­neers, plumbers and the like are admin­is­tered by God’s bureaucrats.

Upon their death, Satan and God nego­ti­ate the dis­po­si­tion of the souls, of those indi­vid­u­als they admin­is­ter, who do not meet the treaty’s cri­te­ria for their eter­nal admin­is­tra­tion. For exam­ple, the soul of an attor­ney who has never engaged in ille­gal, immoral or uneth­i­cal con­duct, while advo­cat­ing on behalf of, or against oth­ers, is the­o­ret­i­cally, upon his or her death, trans­ferred to God’s admin­is­tra­tion. Prac­ti­cally speak­ing, the souls of advo­cates and deciders wind up as stakes in God’s and Satan’s Fri­day golf matches. They swap out keep­ing the score­card every cen­tury. Satan took over in 2000. If you want to gripe fur­ther about this, please con­tact God directly. I believe his direct email is God@God.net.

In re: your ques­tion: “What is it you want, besides a free lunch?” What gives you the impres­sion we are com­pen­sated for work­ing at the EEBA? God may have a pay­roll but Satan is a cheap bas­tard. Do you think that if our mem­bers paid dues he’d share any of it? Obvi­ously your pro­fes­sors omit­ted from your instruc­tion that you should always know the answer to a ques­tion before you ask it.

I see you attended McGe­orge School of Law at the Uni­ver­sity of the Pacific. That’s interesting.

The com­mit­tee looks for­ward to receiv­ing the infor­ma­tion requested herein. Please con­tact me if you require clar­i­fi­ca­tion regard­ing any of the fore­go­ing. I’m here to make the process as ardu­ous and unpleas­ant as pos­si­ble— and am very good at my job.

Very truly yours,

Evil Est Esquirette
xoxo@evilesq.com

cc:    Agent 41, Direc­tor of Investigations

Dr. Jospeh Men­gele, Inter­ro­ga­tions Czar

From: Gregg Eich­ler [geichler@fransenandmolinaro.com]
Sent: Fri­day, Sep­tem­ber 25, 2009 16:16
To: donoevil@evilesq.com
Sub­ject: What is Your Real Agenda? Did You Take Your Med­i­cine Today?
I have a great idea: Let’s do with­out lawyers, doc­tors, plumbers and any­one else mak­ing a liv­ing at your “expense”. What is it you want, besides a free lunch?
Gregg

Gregg Eich­ler, Esquire | RE: REQUEST FOR NOMINATION, 5.0 out of 5 based on 5 rat­ings